It has occurred to me on more than one occasion lately that I should be doing something.  I didn’t make it to the third trimester last time with the boys.  Straight from second trimester to delivery, do not pass “Go” and you certainly do not get to leave the hospital with your babies.  Now, with Baby Girl, I’ve cruised right through the second trimester into the third.  Now what?  I’m lost.  I don’t have the books…I mean, I do but they are the nursery and I can’t bear to look at them but it does seem like I should be doing something to prepare.  Shouldn’t I?

I didn’t get to the part in the book about what to take to the hospital.  Is that even in the book?  When do I need to pack a bag?  I don’t think I have a bag.  What goes in the bag?  I’ve seriously become obsessed with The Bag.  I don’t have a diaper bag yet either and that seems important for the hospital.  And the boob things.  You know, the boob covers?  Where do I get those?  Do I need them for the hospital?  What are they for?  I have a sleep nursing bra that I’m immensely proud to say I purchased all on my own, thankyouverymuch but of course, it dawned on me in the middle of the night that I bought my normal size.  If I remember correctly (and it’s really fuzzy as I was beyond doped up when I came home without the boys) but don’t your boobs get really big?  I remember looking down and thinking, “I look like Pamela-fucking-Anderson, what the hell?” and promptly bursting into tears.  And what about jammies?  Do I take cute ones?  I didn’t have the option last time.  Are cute ones even an option?

I have a mother and I think to myself, “shouldn’t she be telling me these things?”  As you know, we’ve got an odd relationship that I have to say, has gotten markedly better since Baby Girl’s conception.  I will say that she forgets sometimes that I’ve been part of the way down this road.  Maybe she thinks I don’t need any more guidance because I recently said to her, “you know Mom, I’ve been pregnant before…”  In my defense, however, she was trying to tell me what it felt like to have the baby kick you.

I seriously feel like everyone else just knows this stuff and because I’m so freakn’ damaged, I can’t muddle my way through it to figure it out.

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