We’ve been battling illness in our house…poor Zoey was sick with the yuck for a couple of days and now it’s developed into her first full blown ear infection.  Awesome.

I knew something was wrong on Sunday night when she would wake up screaming.  Not crying.  Screaming.  In pain.  It was awful and I was terrified.  No amount of cuddling, nursing, rocking, singing, holding or soothing would help.  This is not normal for my little girl.

What if she has an intestinal blockage?  What if it’s pneumonia?  What if it’s cancer?  What if?  What if? Immediately my mind went to The Fear. 

What if she dies?

Yup.  I know it’s an ear infection and I know no one dies from an ear infection but at 3 am on Monday morning, I didn’t know that it was an ear infection.  I was ten seconds from packed her up and taking her to the ER.  I was deep in the throes of The Fear.  I took a deep breath, she settled down and fell asleep on my chest in the rocker. 

I sat there and watched her breathe until my alarm went off at 6am.

That’s the lost baby mama fear people.