This is the year of taking care of myself and I’m focusing on my health. Along with $800 worth of dental work, I am long overdue for a trip to the Guy-nee…I was proudly telling a co-worker that I was going to a new doctor on Wednesday.
Me: “I used to go to UNC because that’s where I went with the boys and then Zoey and they just knew me and my story and I didn’t have to tell them anything…oh crap….”
I stopped and looked at her and said quietly, “they are going to ask me about the boys…” She put her hand on my back and said, “yes but you’ve told their story before, this is just one more time…”
How could I have forgotten? Tomorrow I will have to navigate the waters of “How many times have you been pregnant?” (Lots) and “How many children do you have?” (Three – 1 living and 2 dead) with a complete and total stranger.
And Oh. My. Dog. Please don’t let there be the form with the teeny-tiny blanks and boxes that ask you all kinds of questions that people like me can’t answer without writing a dissertation or the answers make absolutely no sense…I once had a new nurse at UNC make me fill out a form (she didn’t know me from previous visits – she may have been a temp actually because I never saw her again). Where it asked, “how many times have you been pregnant?” I answered 6-7 times. Where it asked, “how many children do you have?” I answered zero. She looked at me and said, “so what you are saying is that you’ve had several abortions?” Sigh….
Can’t I just show my lostbabymama membership card and be done with it? But no, I can’t. Because even as I typed that, I remind myself I was lucky to be the boys Mommy. I am lucky to have experienced all I experienced with them, even the bad. I wouldn’t trade that time in my life – despite it being the worst thing to ever happen to me and Hubby – for anything. I wish it had been different. I wish that I had 2 little boys AND a little girl. I wish my 3 year old sons were down the hall from their 10 month old sister but they aren’t.
But I don’t wish it didn’t happen and that’s the reason I can walk into the doctor’s office tomorrow and tell their story.